What?
The process of mellification, and the quest to find some 'mellified man'.
When?
2005 -
Why?
It's a sick idea, but if you don't try, you'll never know.
What happened?
While reading the excellent Stiff by Mary Roach, I was particularly
impressed with the chapter on mellification. For anyone not familiar with the
subject (i.e. almost everyone), mellified man was taken as a medicine in twelfth
century Arabia. It was, basically, a human cadaver steeped in honey. The way to
make mellified man was as follows:
- Take a man (or, I suppose, a woman). Generally it's kindest if it's
someone very old or likely to die fairly soon. That said, anyone will do.
- Feed them lots and lots of honey. This carries on for a good long time
(probably several months), by which time they are full of honey, and excrete
nothing but honey. Obviously it's best to use someone who likes honey in the
first place.
- Eventually, they fall off their perch. At this point, things get a bit
messy.
- You then place the body in a stone coffin, preferably squashed up, and
cover the wretched thing in yet more honey.
- Finally, leave the whole mess to fester for one hundred years. At the end
of the time, open up the coffin, and there you go. Some sort of elixir will
have formed.
So that's it. I must admit that, like a lot of people who read the book, I
have been very preoccupied by the chapter on mellified man. Most people are
probably revolted, but do sort of like the idea of giving it a try.
When Will it End?
Possibly when I get hold of some mellified man. More likely when I go off the
idea of eating a manky old corpse steeped in honey.
Loose Ends
The following loose ends still remain.
If you can answer them, please
contact me.
- Would you like to be mellified? Obviously by the time a hundred years has
elapsed, I'll be dead too, but I was thinking of about fifty years. If you've
got the body, I'll supply the coffin and as much honey as you can eat. It will
have to be crappy Netto
value honey mind.
- Failing that, if anyone has some mellified man, I'd offer it a home.
Play Along at Home
If you'd like to have a bash at being mellified, please do fill in the
application form. Please don't forget to describe why you'd like to be steeped in honey for fifty years
before being eaten.
