Now here's the problem. Jacksons (and other shops of the same creed), never
have quite what you actually want. They'll have the poor man's version,
or not quite the right flavour, or something with extra tentacles. But you're
stuck with it, because it's the only place open for miles around and you're
hungry now.
What happened?
In an attempt to epitomise the Jacksons phenomenon, Matt eventually
managed it. "They don't sell Heinz beans", he said, "they sell Honz"1. I have
been laughing about the idea of Honz beans for the last week, and can't get it
off my mind. Matt kindly produced the following image of the typical Jackson's
fodder.
Honz has now become a sort of byword for anything which is almost, but not quite what
you want, edible or otherwise.
1Pronounced (by us anyway)
"Hoe-nz", like the gardening implement.
When Will it End?
I originally envisaged this one conking out when I stumbled into Jacksons or
Spar late one night and found what I went in for in the first place. However, I
have come to the conclusion that the products offered by these shops are, and
forever will be, shit. So I've given up and closed it.
Loose Ends
Play Along at Home
Visit any corner shop and you'll see the problem in the flesh (or the can). If
you want to visit Jacksons (or Sainsbury's at Jacksons as they have
been called, since they sold their souls to Satan), there are branches across
Hull. Yes, that's right, you'll need to visit Hull.
Failing that, there's loads of other crappy corner shops - just follow the
students at closing time and you'll find one. Just like a pot of copper at the
end of a rainbow.
