What?
 A cheery fusion of Derbyshire theme park and Swansea kitchen plastics.

When?
April 2006 - July 2006

Why?
A minor interest in the Derbyshire tourist trap The Heights of Abraham suddenly mushroomed out of control and without warning.

What happened?
En route to visit my Granny in Nottingham, I always pass a big brown tourist sign for a place called "The Heights of Abraham". For many years I was intrigued by these alleged heights. What were they? Why would tourists bother to go there? I just didn't know. The sign, which depicted a cable car, made it pretty clear that whatever it was, you didn't have to bother walking up. Then, while buying a new washing up brush manufactured by Wales based houseware company Addis, I had a moment of epiphany. Like Saul on the road to Damascus, but with more bristles and a comfort grip handle...The Heights of Addis was born. 
What would happen if Addis decided to set up their own theme park? What if they managed to somehow pinch the spot currently occupied by The Heights of Abraham? What would a houseware based altitude theme park look like? Some serious R&D work (in the pub naturally), ably assisted by Teleman, and the rough concept was firmed up.
Picture, if you will, a cable car, strung across a precipitous gorge. Now replace the standard, frankly quite boring gondolas with enormous washing up brushes. Finally, imagine the dizzy excitement of clinging onto one of the brushes, something like a ski lift, as they convey you to the exciting houseware based world that is...The Heights of Addis. As you ride the washing up brush, legs wrapped around the handle, backside firmly plumped onto the top of the brushy bit, you feel the excitement that can come only from knowing you could be killed at any moment.
At the top, you could experience a variety of houseware based rides and attractions. I think these would include the following:

You may never be able to visit The Heights of Addis, but hopefully the pictures above will give you a flavour of the day you might experience if advances in plastic moulding technology, a rich madman, and repealing of most of the health and safety legislation of Great Britain all coincide.


When Will it End?
This obsession was only ever going to be laid to rest by visiting The Heights of Abraham. So, in July 2006, accompanied by Deb, I did exactly that. I have to say the place was a good visit, but would have been better off with more washing up bowls. What you actually get is the return trip on the cable car a couple of show caves, and some woodland. The best bit was the sign to the place, which, mysteriously, also pointed the way to a 'Colour Works', whatever that might be.

Loose Ends
The following loose ends still remain. If you can answer them, please contact me.


Play Along at Home
To visit the actual Heights of Abraham, take the M1 and come off at junction 28. Follow the brown tourist signs and the A6 for Matlock Bath. Parking available at the station or Temple pay and display car parks. Don't forget to look out for the Colour Works.

Or, if you don't want to travel, why not visit www.heightsofabraham.com to see more of The Heights of Abraham..