Then we rounded a corner and saw him - The Colonel. The Colonel is, apparently, "The UK's heaviest steer" (i.e. he has had his knackers hacked off). The people at Alstone are perhaps a little ambitious in billing him as a "National celebrity", but you can see their point.

When I saw him, The Colonel was eating a turnip, hence his expression in the picture where it looks like he's talking to me. I wish I had such a glib explanation for why I look like an extra from Deliverance here, but, sadly, I don't. It's hard to get a sense of perspective, but the fuzzy orange teddy bear thing to the left is a normal size highland cow. The Colonel is massive.

The best thing about The Colonel is that there was no explanation about him at all - where he came from, why the hell he's so big, his hobbies - nothing. As far as Alstone Wildlife Park are concerned, what you see is what you get. A massive cow. As you can imagine, the next few days were spent boring all and sundry with the story of The Colonel. Too bad.

HMIM regulars will recall that, on the 24th of September, 2005, shortly after I wrote this page, The Colonel, very sadly, passed away. A tribute page to the big cow can be found here. Although the obsession had ended by then, there was another suprise around the corner...